Hello,

Yes, I am back :) lol

I am determined to carve out chunks of time in the day for myself, even though I am learning how to juggle maintaining a home and caring for a newborn at the sametime (both very new to me). I have decided to bit the bullet again and I have registered myself with the NYC pitch and shop conference coming up this September. It's a three day event where you have a chance to get face to face with editors and literary agents, pitch your manuscrip and meet other writers from all over the US and Canada. Seeing as I live in Toronto, NYC won't be too much of a journey for me (unless I opt to drive...which I hope I wont have to--especially if my daughter has to tag along.)

Earlier this year I did submit an MS to an agent, but I thought - hm, here's a chance to meet others within the industry since I highly doubt that my first submission attempt will be a successful once, this could provide me with the opportunity to hear first hand whether or not I am marketable, and if not than what areas can I improve on. There are also writing workshops that I can attend where I work with other writers to assess our own areas of weakness and to help each other (hopefully) improve these flaws so we can press onwards.

Am I nervous? HECK yeah! This is a HUGE step for me from never sharing my work with anyone, to all of a sudden taking bold steps to hopefully, one day, see my name in print. Submiting my work online - although it was nerve wracking - won't hold a candle to doing this live and in person. It makes the (very likely) prospect of rejection all the more tangible and frightening. But I promised myself, while on Mat Leave, I would spend the time actively persuing this goal - since I've got nothing else really occupying my time (as far as work is concerned) so rather than waste this year off, I decided to make the most of it.  

If anyone else is interested in attending, here is the link: http://newyorkpitchconference.com/

It has been a long, long time since I've posted on here. Being a new mom doesn't free up a lot of personal time for me. I don't seem to do much else besides change diapers and breastfeed at the moment. I hope that  will quickly change :P 

Updates in my lfe: gave birth to a beautiful baby girl I named Carys Ingrid Syndadine. As per a quaint tradition in my family, she has two middle names. One, given in honor of  a relative and the other, just becuase I thought it sounded pretty :). She was born  May 2nd 2009 (a full 10 days overdue) - the same day that Ingrid (Gary's youngr sister) had passed away. Scary how taht seemed to work out - almost like it was meant to be.

Maternity leave has been ... interesting. I think that having my twin on leave as well has helped make it bearable at the very least. I thought I would have had all this free time to wite and work on my books, but it hasn't been anything like that. Don't get me wrong, she is a great baby and I am getting plenty of sleep which is an added bonus. There is just a lot involved when it comes to handling a newborn.

On a plus note, WID is pretty much finished - at times I go back and reread segements and touchup if I think it still necessary. I have since moved on to book number two: The Chosen Sin - thinking of reworking the title. Unforunately progress is going slower than I would like (see reasons stated above).

Anyhow, gotta run, my laptop is driving me mental, damn cursor and text is juming all over the place and buttons don 't seem to be cooperate as they should be, forcing me to write and rewrite - ugh.

Toodles! 

Finally, I seem to be drawing towards the end of the WID book (part one in a series I am re-vamping). It has taken more longer then I had expected but I guess it's because I wanted to make sure that I was being as thorough as possible. Plus, on days when I wasn't particularily inspired to write a new scene, I would go back and edit and rewrite a lot. Hopefully this will make the complete manuscript editing process much smoother.

I am in love with this one. Since it was a book I'd written so many years ago that branch into nearly a dozen more, it was very close to my heart. Now, I think I've finally achieved what I had set out to create all along. With one of my best friends breathing down my neck, I have made the decision to use this manuscript to pitch an agent for representation (eeeeeek!!!). Since I made a promise, I intend to keep it. I just can't believe it's now coming down to the wire.

I hold no delusions of grandeur, and I know I probably will see quite a few rejections, but what a rush this is going to be :)

It's going to be a challenge to find an agent interested in representing paranormal/ fantasy/ horror/ mainstream ... from a preliminary search, there doesn't seem to be too many, especially here in Canada. Oh well, fingers crossed.

Nervous? Yes.

But definitely excited.

I am finally a home owner!

As of today, the purchasing has been completed and I will be able to pick up the keys to my own home! Eeeeek! I thought this would never happen. Especially after all the grief we went through during the closing. My goodness. And I was incredibly niave as to just how much money this was all going to cost me. Now that I've dealt with all the lawyers, fees and taxes, my head is spinning - and I haven't even touched on the down payment.

Never in my life I have I dealt with such a large sum of cash. But finally, after all my sweat, blood, tears, and Gary's last minute miracles, we're finally going to have a place of our own to start our new family.

And just in time for the holidays too. It's such a nice Christmas present. :)

I was bored today at work and wrote a short story 1,452 words in total. 

Thought I would post it here to guage general interest :) 

Good? Bad? Yes? No? ... :D

 After a nice and relaxing weekend with my sensational boyfriend, I have come in to work incredibly relaxed and stress free. 

I cut it right down to the wire but I sumitted the chapter I wrote and edited to death on Friday, now all that remains is to keep my fingers crossed and see what happens. Although I worked hard on it, I am sure there was plenty more I could have done with the piece, but time waits for no one right? At least I didn't miss the deadline as I origionally feared :oP 

I've also taken to carrying around a writing journal with me at all times and lately I've been jotting down so many random things. For example, I may see an interesting looking indiviual on the subway and feel the unshakable urge to draft a profile, encapsulating their intereting style quirks, manners or body language. 

This might range from the very classy to the very strange; living in down town Toronto I have a vast and never ending variety from one end to the other and eveything in between to work with. 

Whether or not I will use all if any of them in an actual story is debatable, but it's fun and it keeps my mind busy. 

I also make note of any interesting phrases or dialogue I over hear that might make me laugh, smile or cringe. People say the darndest things even when others are in within plain sight / ear-shot. Just to make myself clear, I am not eavesdropping, its just whatever happens to jump out at me. 

I always find that when its bleak and dreary outside I have a particularily hard time rolling out of bed. 

Today was definately one of those days. 

I also find it interesting that I have all kinds of stuff under and around my desk: extra pairs of shoes (various high heels, several flats and a couple pairs of winter boots), dress pants ranging from black to grey to brown and cream, some with pinstripes some without, long sleeve shirts, short sleeve shirts, gym wear, deodorant, hair gel, even a couple bras and a rather large penis shaped cake pan (recently returned to me from a coworker). 

But no where in this assorment of items do I have a blanket and a pillow - two things I would KILL for right now. 

*sigh*  

Well, another work week has commenced signalling the end of yet another incredible weekend thanks to my sensational boyfriend. :o) 

It also was capped off with a dream that had me jumping up and out of bed, scrambling around the hotel room looking for any scrap of paper I could get my hands on to jot as many details down as possible before they left my head. 

I now have the bare bones for what I think would be a pretty kick ass story.

One I've yet to uncover a name for, which is interesting because usually that's the first thing to jump out at me, as well as character names. This time all I could see were faces and surroundings (so vividly), hear voices, smell the air, feel the cold and wet damp earth. 

But no names would come to light. 

I am actually pretty excited about this piece, but its kind of daunting because I've touched near the half way mark on my current story which is the first in a series of six books, I still have to finish part two  and three of a trilogy that I was working on and stopped so I could start my current piece, the final book in a previous series needs to be completed and now I have this one to add to the roster. 

So thats, 1 - 2...10 books in total. Wow.

See what I mean about my imagination being both a blessing and a curse? 

If I average about 6 months to churn out a story - completely rough first draft and in need of drastic editing, that equates to 2 books a year totaling 5 years to complete them all in rough form. And by then I will have at least a dozen or so new ideas to add to the mix.  
I can't seem to keep up with my own thoughts. It can be maddening sometimes. I wish I could just pump it all out of me and put it on paper in one sitting, even if it were just the skeleton of the story - with many holes but easy ones to fill. 

For now I'm filling up notebook after notebook with research notes, plot ideas and character developements, anything and everything that comes to mind because I don't want to forget a single detail. 

But it's hard to keep my thoughts on a current piece when I have a new one nipping at my heels. 

Oh well, I suppose all I can do is get started and hope I somehow manage to stay afloat.  

 

WOW...

I can't believe how quickly this story is developing. Ever since I started the process, I have been unable to pull away for a second. At this rate I think I might have a completed rough draft by August (although I am editing a bit as I go). 

I've always made good headway on catching up in the online writing course. So far I've completed 2 of the four assignments...well techinically 3 (I'm about a 1/3 of the way into week three's lesson). And I managed to get it all done in a matter of hours. 

I've been looking around quite a bit today online as far as submission guidelines for various publishing houses and agents within certain genres. 

I've also been boning up on how to prepare a query letter and synopsis to meet certain expectations. 

I think once I've completed the rough draft for WID - and done a HELL of a lot of editing - that I might consider biting the bullet and submitting the piece to a publisher who accepts unsolicited manuscripts as well as to an agent who deals within the story's genre. 

Who knows what would happen right? 

And, if at fist you don't succeed - try, try, try again.   

Hello,

Been a while since I've posted here  and so an update is long over due. 

I quit the second job. I couldn't stand the boring and mundane atmosphere as well as the monotony of the brainless routine. I love my weekends far too much to subject myself to such cruel and unusual punishment any longer. A few extra hundred bucks a month was just not worth it. 

Aside from that, my writing is really taking off. Day in and day out, I seem unable to pull myself away. I guess that means I'm feeling more and more like my old self, which is nice and certainly comforting. 

I've also enrolled myself in a 10 week writing workshop with an online writing community that I've been a part of for 4 years just this April. I have 4 weeks of work to catch up on but I am optimistic that I can do it. :o) 

There is also a writing contest that I am considering the possibility of entering. The first chapter of a novel - not genre specific with a total word cound of 4,000 words... it just seems too good to pass up. Besides, it could help me get some constructive feedback. Imagine if my chapter made it in the final cut? Or if I won the grand prize? (Not likely - but it's nice to dream of the possibilities once in a while). 

It's strange - but the more time passes lately, the more I can't seem to stop thinking about my writing. It's all I seem to really want to do. Wouldn't it be incredible if I could make a life doing what I love to do? ( again, not likely - but still, wouldn't it be nice?)

Well, my first weekend spent working wasn't too bad. 

As I had thought, the job is entirely brainless - which isn't such a bad thing because if I am going to be stuck working Saturday and Sunday then I don't really want to do so if it requires too much effort on my part. 

The people are all really friendly and nice and thus far I am not having any real difficulties. We shall see how it goes down the road. 

I am often amazed by how things seem to FINALLY be heading into a positive direction for me. 

My creativity is back - I am writing with almost as much fervor as I did when I was in highschool and churning out books with almost as much frequency as Nora Roberts. 

I have fallen in love with such an incredible guy who has told me and expressed in countless ways that he feels the same way - if not stronger then I do which is amazing. 

& I am happy. I am actually, deeply and truly happy. 

It was funny because the more I thought about it, the more I realized that it has been such an incredibly and ridiculously long time before I was able to say that and really mean it. 

I know they often say, what goes up and must come down - but I hope as far as these two things are concerned that that won't be the case. 

Okay, well today I am keeping this brief. 

:) I love spring. It has to be my favourite season. 

Ciao ciao.   

Lately I'm finding myself feeling torn between being logical and doing the responsible thing versus attempting the risky, potentially unwise and perhaps irresponsible avenue. 

I am 22 years old and will be turning 23 in October. 

After highschool I went on to University (which made my mother very proud) only to find that when I got there, what I thought I wanted to pursue was not at all what I had expected. That year was probably one of the worst of my life because when it was over I was left feeling incredibly lost, confused and inept. I began to doubt myself and my capabilities and whether or not I really had what it took to make it anywhere in life. 

I was 17. A lot of time has passed since then and I've been seriously thinking about going back to school. I currently work for an amazing company that has so much growth potential, I love the people I work for and I wake up every morning not dreading the work week. After poking around and applying at various post secondary institutions I found that I was accepted into just about every program that I had applied for (PR - Public Relations, Graphic Desgin and as a fall back - just in case nothing panned out: Office Administration). 

Unfortunately due to a conflict in schedules I had to turned down both the Graphic Design and the PR course since it would cut into my work week and did not offer a lot of flexibility  as I had hoped.  I was then left with the Office Admin course. 

Now this is where my head and my heart disagree. 

The logical and responsible choice would be for me to go for the Office Admin program. Sure its not what I really want to do, but it could potentially help bump me up from Receptionist to Executive/Administrative assistant which would almost double my salary thus giving me more financial freedom and elevating me to a slightly more prominant role within the company (since it's really the EA's who are the work horses of this company and I feel are the reason why its continuing to excel and achieve such incredible results). Moving up to EA would allow me to help my mom buy her first home and get her out of the 'rent trap' she's stuck in since she was diagnosed with a nuerological disorder that put her on Long Term disability (and cut her salary by 40%). Also, I might potentially be entering into a serious relationship and by the end of the year I wanted to get my own place, then going back to school and paying for life's other expenses - it all adds up and the only choice is to SOME HOW make more money. This is where my head is at. 

My heart, on the other hand is singing a different tune altoghter. 

As I mentioned in my previous entry, I have found myself caught up in my writing. Over the last few weeks I've also found that everyone around me that I hold closest to my heart is pushing me to really focus on my material and approach an agent - something I am waaaaaay too scared to even consider but now a part of me is starting to wonder if perhaps I should? I am terrified of this because I feel that my work is not ready. I've had no formal training of any kind, I never took any writing classes or attended any workshops. I simply chose to write for the sheer joy and pleasure it gave me, but I never for once allowed myself to believe that I really possessed any great talent. Certainly nothing akin to Nora Roberts or JK Rowling. However these mere details seem to be nothing worth stressing myself over, and instead everyone seems to think they don't matter at all. Instead I should simply bite the bullet so to speak and go for it. 

But what if I get rejected? What if no one is interested? What if they tell me that I'm really horrible and should never write another word for the rest of my life? What if? What if? What if? 

*sigh* 

I am my own worst enemy and toughest critic at times. 

But, needless to say, their constant baggering has planted a small little seed in my mind and now I find myself daring to believe that maybe...just maybe...if I worked hard enough and edited my little heart out...perhaps I could have something worth reading. Something that an agent would find creative, origional, interesting and moving enough to want to take me under wing.  

I could not begin to describe the kind of joy and sense of accomplishment and awe I would feel to one day walk into a bookstore and to see my name there, my book, sitting on a shelf next to other great authors. I'm sure I would cry. 

I've never been one to possess great quantities of self confidence. At one point I could make myself practically invisible because the idea of 'attention' terrified me. Now, I would say I am much more confident in my own skin, and definately don't stay in the background anymore. Actually, when I tell my friends or coworkers about how I once was - they are actually quite shocked and can't picture it. However, as comfortable I am with myself and my looks now - I haven't quite reached that same level with my work. 

So far, I've only let my mother, Saadia and a hand full (maybe three other friends in total) read my material aside from that hateful woman SS who could have destroyed my love for writing entirely. Altogether about about 6 people. That's a rather pitiful statistic. 

Sooooooooooo if I were to follow my heart then I would probably devote two years attending writing classes, seminars, workshops - anything to help boost my abilities as a writer, to expose my flaws and by learning new methods, erase them entirely. Then, perhaps after two years I would feel confident enough - after having my work constantly reviewed by those who taught me and having worked through their cristicism, to approach the possibility of having my stories published. 

By then I would be pushing 25. 

What if I fail and end up wasting two years that I could have spent chasing a less enjoyable but more pracitcal and realistic alternative? 

What if, what if, what if? 

Should I do what makes me happy or instead pursue what will make me appear responsible? 

:s I don't know what to do.  

Well...

I am not sure what made me decide to open a live journal page. Perhaps I was just looking for a place to air out my thoughts and potentailly get some feedback.

I seem to have been bitten hard by the writing bug again. Its been a while since I've dedicated so much time and energy into a story. Nearly three years.

Then again, all the drama that ensued thanks to the horrible and malicious lies I endured for almost 24 months probably had a huge part to play. I suppose it was a hard lesson to learn, and there are times when I have to admit I am terrified that I might walk into a book store and see MY work with HER name on the cover.

I don't think about it as often as I used to - its not as fresh anymore, and I suppose if it were going to have happened then it would have by now. *knock on wood*

My mom actually helped put some things into perspective for me when she pointed out that I had been deliberately avoiding my novels for quite some time. I hadn't really given it much thought. Once upon a time writing to me was like breathing. I couldn't go a single day without it.

My books and my characters, they were all little pieces of my heart and soul and at one point in my life, they were all I had in the world to keep me company, or happy for that matter.

I guess I never realized just how profoundly the whole 'drama' with SS had affected me. I mean, I KNEW I was upset to discover everything I had been lead to believe had been nothing but one BIG convoluted and dispicably evil scheme by that heartless woman. Who wouldn't be? One minute, your dream is being handed to you on a silver platter. You put your heart, your soul, your sweat, blood and tears into everything you do from that point onwards and after all is said and done - *poof* you find it out it was jut a carefully orchestrated fabrication.

To this day I still don't know WHY she would do that to me. Now I no longer care. Getting back all of my creative and intellectual property - THAT had been a challenge, and not an easy one. And even after it had been returned (after countless threats of dragging her big ass to court and pursuing the matter legally), I was still paranoid that she would surface from some dark corner and take all the credit for a book I had poured hours/days/ weeks/ months of my life into.

Like I said, it hasn't happened yet - and I pray to God it never does.

If there is anything I learned from that experience, it was that if I am going to make it anywhere in this world, then I need to get there on my own terms. And if something sounds to good to be true - run away screaming. LOL

In all seriousness though, I am glad that I am writing avidly again. I am determined, even if I only succeed ONCE, to see my name in print and my book on a self in a bookstore.

It doesn't have to be a chart topper, it doesn't have to generate record sales (although that would be nice :) haha). Instead, I just want to be able to say that 'I did it'. Even if it was just something small, to me it would mean the world.

Well, not too shabby for my first entry eh?

Ciao for now & thanks to any one who has taken the time to read my thoughts.